My father’s been gone for nearly eight years. He spent his last years in assisted-living in Las Vegas. He was mostly bed-bound or wheelchair-bound during that time due to complications from Parkinson’s disease. Near the end, he was taking 19 different medications. When a person is on 19 medications, having a complementary diet is important. That’s what the doctors, nurses, and caregivers of his facility claimed.

On some level I know that’s true. Additives, preservatives, and chemicals in foods can have interactions with medications that cause them to fail, conflict with other medications, or conflict with organ function. With that in mind, my father’s diet while in assisted-living was bland and offered limited options.

For elderly in long-term care facilities, meals are often the most important part of the experience. For my father, eating was just another routine obligation — an unexciting dose of calories to be chased with a glass of water, just like his blood pressure medication. The joy of eating had been lost.

During that time, I visited my father as often as my schedule and my finances allowed. One ritual I practiced when visiting him, was to stop at Taco Bell or for Chinese takeout on my way, and surprise him with food he might not otherwise enjoy. His eyes lit up if he saw me walk into his room with little white boxes of Kung Pao Chicken or a bag full of burritos. He was so starved for exciting food that watching him eat these surprise meals wasn’t a sight for kids.

I have a clear memory, on one of our final visits, of watching him take the final bite of a Chinese takeout meal. When I thought about how much sodium and other chemicals were in that meal, and on consideration of his 19 medications, I was genuinely afraid I might have just killed him — that’s not a joke. It would be a good two hours before I became confident there wouldn’t be any negative interactions between the foods keeping him happy and the medications keeping him alive.

And this is where it gets blurry…

If my father had died, I later wondered, from eating General Tso’s chicken and an egg roll soaked in sweet & sour sauce while staring out the window at a parking lot full of scooters and golf carts, would it have been any worse than if he died later that evening from pneumonia while watching Family Feud…?

I’m taking care of my mother now — she’s 90-year-old. To put it bluntly, my mom eats like shit. Since I am largely responsible for her shopping, food choices, and meal preparation, I might someday be culpable in her premature demise resulting from lesser eating choices. She only takes a couple of medications, one for blood pressure and the other for her thyroid, but food quality and quantity can impact each of them.

Most of my mother’s meals are premade from the local grocery store. I occasionally attempt to cook or assemble something from our kitchen, but regardless of the source, she takes in very little at mealtime. If she eats 1/3rd of what I serve with each meal, I consider it a victory. Generally, she eats less.

In-between meals, like many seniors do, mom craves sweets. Moon Pies, Snickers Bites, soft peppermints, and 8-ounce glasses of Coke are her fix. Though she is more mobile than my father was, and is able to get out each day, I’m certain the best part of each of her days is tasting a bit of sugar on her tongue.

I have a hard time drawing a line between what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to the elderly and eating. I know if I fed my mother a diet of plant-based foods, limited sugars, and forced her to adhere to it, it would serve her health better and possibly extend her life.

Is it my place though, to force a 90-year-old woman to eat things she doesn’t want, or to deprive her of the things she does…? I could end up with a shiv between my shoulder blades, and when I least expect it.

Mom came up through the depression, watched a world at war, served in the military, and after all of that, had a 45-year career as a nurse. Notwithstanding, that she raised two strong-willed sons and had a husband who was good at making life difficult. At this point, if she wants to consider soft peppermints a vegetable, who am I to argue…?

I eat better than most, I think. When he was my age, so did my father. When my mother was my age, she included a vegetable at every meal, including breakfast. My mother and father were both active well into their 70s. At some point, our bodies slow down — our lives slow down. Tastes change. Priorities change. The things that bring meaning to our lives become simpler.

It might be that we could all live longer lives and with a better quality, by eating more sensibly. The only question I have is, how long does somebody want to stare out the window all day at a parking lot full of scooters…? How many episodes of Dr. Phil mark a complete life…?

This is what I think about when I ride… Jhciacb

This Week By The Numbers…

Bikes Ridden: 6
179 miles
7,200′ climbing
15.8 mph avg
9,700 calories
10 hours 43 minutes seat time

Whether you ride a bike or not, thank you for taking the time to ride along with me today. If you haven’t already, please scroll up and subscribe. If you like what you read, give it a like and a share. If not, just keep scrollin’. Oh, and there’s this from Al Kooper and John Mayall. Enjoy…

7 thoughts on “Let ‘Em Eat Cake…

  1. They say we are what we eat. Well then I’m a smorgasbord buffet of Mexican to Japanese food. I want to continue to all things I wish in moderation.
    I wish I could have met your Dad, sounds like he had a zest in life for many flavors of life’s food. A yankee and a rebel, contrasting cultures with your folks. I remember the battle questions to your Mom. Willie which do you prefer? Pepsi or Coke. Coca Cola of course. Ok Auburn or Bama? Roll Tide !! When I made a food run for you, I did remember the 2 liter of Coke.
    Yes my brother Let then eat cake and enjoy their golden years!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. They say we are what we eat. Well then I’m a smorgasbord buffet of Mexican to Japanese food. I want to continue to all things I wish in moderation.
    I wish I could have met your Dad, sounds like he had a zest in life for many flavors of life’s food. A yankee and a rebel, contrasting cultures with your folks. I remember the battle questions to your Mom. Willie which do you prefer? Pepsi or Coke. Coca Cola of course. Ok Auburn or Bama? Roll Tide !! When I made a food run for you, I did remember the 2 liter of Coke.
    Yes my brother Let then eat cake and enjoy their golden years!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for writing an important discussion of an area that is largely untouched by medicine! I suppose there are no clear cut answers. All I can do is tell you my experiences with this. My dad took care of my mom when she was struck with cancer. He gave her KFC, pizza, etc because he wanted to make sure she did not lose too much weight. I remember her telling me that “it was KFC night” with happiness in her voice. My dad eats carefully but still treats himself when the moment calls for it. I agree with you as to how you take care of your mom. Better to maximize the joy in her later years.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Nicely written, I enjoyed reading that a lot. I think you’ve got to look after yourself and eat well during your life, but once you make it to a grand old age, you’ve earned the right to then eat whatever you like and enjoy every damn meal you’ve got left! 👍

    Liked by 2 people

  5. My dad, a medical doctor, always said he’d rather be happy eating what he wanted to eat and died young, than eat “healthy food” he didn’t like and die old. My mother, like your mom, loved the sweets! I think when they reach that age, you are right…let them eat cake. I remember going to restaurants with my mom when she was old; she wanted to skip the food and go right to the hot fudge brownies! That’s what made her happy, and we let her! While we were all eating salads, she was eating gooey brownies and lovin’ it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly why I wrote this Gayle, but it does raise an interesting question: at what age do we draw that line…? I’m not trying to be glib, I was actually thinking about this in the shower this morning. Why is it acceptable for somebody that’s 85 and retired to eat whatever they want, but somebody who’s 45 and still working, we think should be eating healthier diet…?

      I really don’t have the answer to that, but it is an interesting question. By the way, I always light up when I see somebody from India has read the blog, because I know it’s you 😊

      Like

  6. I don’t know the “answer” to this; I’m just loving that you posted an Al Kooper/John Mayall tune! In all seriousness, though, I guess I fall in the moderation area on this topic. Quality of life emotionally of course is no less important for the elderly, but honestly I don’t feel that it’s MORE important BECAUSE one is elderly. I have observed some singularly shocking and incredibly rude lacks of verbal edits attributed to, “Hey, I’m old enough now I’ve earned the right to say whatever I want & tell it like it is”. I’m not sure that it’s acceptable to do/say/eat/behave any way we want because we’ve attained a certain age. Just my 2 cents tho…..

    Liked by 1 person

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