I truly wonder who I am sometimes. Just as often, I wonder who I should be. I was thinking about that when I went out the other day — about whether I’m the me I’m supposed to be or if I’m actually the me I’ve created. And no, this isn’t an exercise in freshman philosophy. It’s something I think about quite a bit. I worry that I’ve invested too much of myself and given up too much of my soul in creating the character I play when people are looking — because I’m afraid to just be myself.
I wonder who I’d be if I wasn’t influenced by the expectations I think others have of me.
I wonder who I’d be if I wasn’t influenced by entertainment — stories, music, television, and movies.
I wonder who I might be if I wasn’t influenced by the expectations I have of myself — and I wonder further where those expectations come from.
I wonder who I’d be if I was brave enough to say what’s on my mind 100% of the time — or even 50% of the time.
I wonder who I’d be if I put others ahead of myself more often than I do.
I wonder who I’d be if I didn’t choose play over work as often as I do.
I wonder who I’d be if I listened to the ‘do-right’ voice in my head more than I do.
And I don’t just wonder who I’d be on the surface, but I wonder all kinds of wonders…
I wonder if I’d sleep better.
I wonder if my financial status would be more stable.
I wonder if my social and personal relationships would be stronger.
I wonder if I’d worry less about an afterlife.
And the thing is, this goes through my head all the time. On my bike, off my bike, when I’m awake, and even when I sleep I have dreams about the influence everyone and everything outside of me has on me.
Of course, I guess that’s our mission as human beings — to absorb the good from the outside, filter out the bad, and charge-on being the best we can possibly be. Some days though, I question whether I’ve absorbed too much of the wrong things, and whether I’ve filtered out too much of what I really need.
I just think about it all the time. All the time.
This is what I think about when I ride…. Jhciacb
This week by the numbers…
Bikes Ridden: 7
Mph Avg: 15.2
Seat Time: 11 hours 55 minutes
Whether you ride a bike or not, thank you for taking the time to ride along with me today. If you haven’t already, please scroll up and subscribe. If you like what you read, give it a like and a share. If not, just keep scrollin’. Oh, and there’s this from Richard Ashcroft. Enjoy…